Monday, September 20, 2010


Me to someone else:

Why do people say "can't satisfy all the types of intimacy". I fundamentally disagree with "can't satisfy all the types of intimacy".
This is very sad to me and absolutist.
Never say never and don't rule it out completely even if highly unlikely.
Broken hearts trying to defend themselves.
I think you could explore the 'needs' and 'satisfy' words more from a minimalist perspective as applied to a relationship.
Also, it saddens me to think people around our age don't believe in true love anymore.


Kim said...

Imagine a Venn diagram:

'True love' and 'viable relationships' as overlapping circles …

Viable relationships - based on the 'needs' and 'satisfy' words - can and often do exist without true love.

True love - that joyful, deep soul connection - is selfless. Having your needs met doesn't enter into it.

There is an area where the two coincide. Rare and precious. And totally possible.


Paul Reinig said...

Donal asked me to write this again here because it ended up on the wrong post, so here goes...

Moving 'Paul Reinig's comment across from the 'Thinking' post to here (but please post it again Paul if you can).

Thank you for your feelings regarding the frustrations that people have regarding their desire to find true love. I'd like to add my perspective. Fundamentally, the inability to be satisfied by another comes from the fact that as a rule, humans have not taken the time to satisfy themselves. In other words, you have to become your own best friend. True love begins on the inside. Currently we carry within us tons of emotional "aspects" that need our personal love and compassion to be healed or better put, "integrated". Without taking care of the needs of our own aspects, we go out hoping to find someone else who will do this for us (looking for true Love, but in all the wrong places). If we find someone we fall in love with this only means we've found someone who mirrors what we were unable to see in ourselves. If over time this person no longer mirrors this to us, we feel let down, like something's missing (the same feeling we had before we found this person) because we never gave it to ourselves. We were depending on them to give it to us. If they withdraw it long enough the relationship splits and off we go in search of yet another to take care of the needs of our own self-created aspects. So it's time to go inside and cultivate a relationship with the compassionate loving being that resides deep inside and then from that place, invite our own aspects home. Only then will we attract to ourselves someone who mirrors the fully integrated and emotionally sound human that we've become--if that's what you choose. It's not that you will need to be in a relationship because the one you have with yourself is enough. But sharing your true love with another could be lots of fun. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

"it saddens me to think people around our age don't believe in true love anymore"

Most of them do! if TV is anything to go by.

True love generally means you want to spend the rest of your life with someone and have their children. But even with 'true love' all relationships need work and compromise and lots of cooperation. How many have thrown away true love because they thought it would mean birdsong and rainbows in a garden of roses, and weren't prepared to make the effort when things got a bit tough?

Life keep throwing up hurdles. The advantage of being in a loving relationship generally means not having to jump them alone. But all relationships need commitment and work - even those based on true love.

My concern is that in modern society, some people are too quick to opt out when the going gets tough, often losing true love in the process. They need to realise that true love is not an anaesthetic against life's problems. Rather it's the cement that should strengthen them and their partners when they happen.